Post by Crash Rodriguez on Mar 9, 2021 23:04:43 GMT -5
We come across a house painted bizarrely in unmatching colours. A lime green base, pink shingles, and the windows trim resembles the bluest of seas. The door is comically large and splattered with all different colors, causing it to appear as if it was painted by 4 year olds, and not the talented kind of children. Upon the door sits the house number. 9. As we take in the tackiness of the structure the front door is kicked open from within revealing the occupant as none other than El Vagabundo, Crash Rodriguez and the pride and joy of Fallout, Daniel the Cow.
"Hey kids, it's me Crash!"
"Moo"
"That's right Daniel, our friends have come to talk, listen and most importantly of all…"
Crash looks around, growing the anticipation. As it reaches the peak his face morphs into a crooked smile, and he responds in loud excitement.
"LEARN!!!"
Crash begins dancing as the song "The Toys Go Winding Down" by Primus plays. His moves do not fit the music, as he flails his arms and bends left and right. Almost a perfect recreation of those wacky inflatable arm flailing tube men. The music cuts after about 40 seconds, and Crash stops mid dance.
"Let's head inside my little Crashaholics."
We follow him into the living room, walls painted orange with scratches and etchings scattered all over. Crash jumps and lands on an oversized purple chair.
"Now gang, today's lesson is simple. We're gonna talk about me. Yenno, I have quite the history of entertainment and destruction."
The lights flicker on and off rapidly and the camera zooms in and out on Crash's face as he flashes a twisted grin.
"You see, I've been around for a bit, and our friend Projecty-pants is gonna show you all just who I am."
The camera cuts to a projector with googly eyes stuck upon it. A voice is heard, in fact we can quickly tell it's just Crash putting on his best falsetto.
"Oh boy Crash. You surely are one of the best. Remember this?"
We look at the wall as the projector plays the first scene. Daniel Horror is yelling at Crash, before finally losing it and hauling off and smacking Daniel the cow in the side of the face. Stunned by the action, Crash’s mouth sits agape as Daniel Horror moves in towards him. He swings at Crash, but Crash dodges below the attack and hooks under Horror’s arm and bends him over backwards hitting the Total Loss. The picture then stops and Crash begins speaking.
"Man, he sure paid for hurting my boy, yet now the goons in charge of Fallout this week decided we should be a tag team."
Crash shakes his head, annoyed.
"I'll be honest here, because after all honesty brings friendship, right kiddos?"
"You're absolutely right, Crash."
"So, here's the thing. The only Daniel I give a fuck about has 4 legs and moos."
"Moo"
"You're right Dandan. Never trust a man who hurts your loved ones. That's exactly why I'll be on my guard at all times with Mr. Horror. He's a remarkable talent and the kind of guy that'll match my brutality in a match like this. You see he's a former Ascension Champion… until he ran across me. So I'll let him tag with me, because sharing is caring."
"Oh willikers, Crash. Seems we have some more footage to roll."
Crash faces the camera, holding a wide face of faux surprise.
"More clips of me? Well, aren't the kiddies lucky learners today."
With that we watch as a spiralling transition brings us to another match. Crash is lifted up by the hair, being pulled to his feet by Space Lord. As Crash wobbles, his opponent takes off against the ropes, going around the Crooked Man once before slamming into Crash on the way back with The Big Bang! As the crowd comes off their feet, cheering, Space Lord pins 'El Vagabundo' for the win. The screen transitions back to an irritated Crash, he clears his throat trying to hold back his anger.
“Well, kids. That’s a reminder that we can’t always be winners. In fact, sometimes we lose before becoming Champions. It’s also a reminder, to stay humble… And plan the most vicious attack you can.”
“Mooo!”
“Oh, you’re right Daniel. I’ve got to keep the game face on for all the little Crashanites out there.”
The man quickly turns to the camera and forces out an exaggerated smile. We see his missing incisor that just heightens the awkwardness of the scene.
"Well, that's all I got today, Crash. Haha, see you next time!"
"Wait. That's all? What about clips of me winning the GCWA championship? My victories in promotions all around? Where's images of the deathmatches in Mexico for my father? You disgraceful little shit, come in here and ruin my good day by reshowing me the video of my best friend getting attacked, and then me losing to some tired ass golden age knock off? No! FUCK YOU!"
Crash grabs Projecty-Pants and throws it against the wall, causing it to explode into pieces. The lights begin flickering again as Crash stares into the camera.
"I'm done being a joke. I'm done taking bullshit and my friends getting hurt. Terry Marshal, Space Lord… At Fallout you're going to get broken. Don't get me wrong, Daniel Horror ain't no friend of mine. Yet, I know he's a professional. He's a fallen champion and he won't win his little belt back by fucking us over and taking an L. He's here to win. But he's not who you should worry about. Because I'm not here for more than a win. I'm here for revenge. I'm here to tear you limb by limb. I'm going to use your heads like soccer balls, and maybe some lucky kid out there will get an authentic Space Lord head. I'm here to destroy you limb from limb."
Crash pauses a minute, the light continues to go on and off as fog fills the room as well.
"And Daniel Horror. In case I'm wrong, just know I have no problem using your corpse as a fucking weapon. I've put you down once. I'll do it again. Because nothing is stopping me. I'm here to prove I was born for this. I was bred for this. Because hardcore wrestling is my fucking life. It's who I am, it's all I know, and that's why I'm going to be cemented as the lifeblood of Fallout. So that locker room better listen closely. Every single one of you has a target on their backs, and each one of you will have a Crash Landing as I cement myself at the top."
Crash smiles as the screen fades to black, his final words echo.
"Sports Entertainment Xpress are just unfortunate enough to be first"
"Hey kids, it's me Crash!"
"Moo"
"That's right Daniel, our friends have come to talk, listen and most importantly of all…"
Crash looks around, growing the anticipation. As it reaches the peak his face morphs into a crooked smile, and he responds in loud excitement.
"LEARN!!!"
Crash begins dancing as the song "The Toys Go Winding Down" by Primus plays. His moves do not fit the music, as he flails his arms and bends left and right. Almost a perfect recreation of those wacky inflatable arm flailing tube men. The music cuts after about 40 seconds, and Crash stops mid dance.
"Let's head inside my little Crashaholics."
We follow him into the living room, walls painted orange with scratches and etchings scattered all over. Crash jumps and lands on an oversized purple chair.
"Now gang, today's lesson is simple. We're gonna talk about me. Yenno, I have quite the history of entertainment and destruction."
The lights flicker on and off rapidly and the camera zooms in and out on Crash's face as he flashes a twisted grin.
"You see, I've been around for a bit, and our friend Projecty-pants is gonna show you all just who I am."
The camera cuts to a projector with googly eyes stuck upon it. A voice is heard, in fact we can quickly tell it's just Crash putting on his best falsetto.
"Oh boy Crash. You surely are one of the best. Remember this?"
We look at the wall as the projector plays the first scene. Daniel Horror is yelling at Crash, before finally losing it and hauling off and smacking Daniel the cow in the side of the face. Stunned by the action, Crash’s mouth sits agape as Daniel Horror moves in towards him. He swings at Crash, but Crash dodges below the attack and hooks under Horror’s arm and bends him over backwards hitting the Total Loss. The picture then stops and Crash begins speaking.
"Man, he sure paid for hurting my boy, yet now the goons in charge of Fallout this week decided we should be a tag team."
Crash shakes his head, annoyed.
"I'll be honest here, because after all honesty brings friendship, right kiddos?"
"You're absolutely right, Crash."
"So, here's the thing. The only Daniel I give a fuck about has 4 legs and moos."
"Moo"
"You're right Dandan. Never trust a man who hurts your loved ones. That's exactly why I'll be on my guard at all times with Mr. Horror. He's a remarkable talent and the kind of guy that'll match my brutality in a match like this. You see he's a former Ascension Champion… until he ran across me. So I'll let him tag with me, because sharing is caring."
"Oh willikers, Crash. Seems we have some more footage to roll."
Crash faces the camera, holding a wide face of faux surprise.
"More clips of me? Well, aren't the kiddies lucky learners today."
With that we watch as a spiralling transition brings us to another match. Crash is lifted up by the hair, being pulled to his feet by Space Lord. As Crash wobbles, his opponent takes off against the ropes, going around the Crooked Man once before slamming into Crash on the way back with The Big Bang! As the crowd comes off their feet, cheering, Space Lord pins 'El Vagabundo' for the win. The screen transitions back to an irritated Crash, he clears his throat trying to hold back his anger.
“Well, kids. That’s a reminder that we can’t always be winners. In fact, sometimes we lose before becoming Champions. It’s also a reminder, to stay humble… And plan the most vicious attack you can.”
“Mooo!”
“Oh, you’re right Daniel. I’ve got to keep the game face on for all the little Crashanites out there.”
The man quickly turns to the camera and forces out an exaggerated smile. We see his missing incisor that just heightens the awkwardness of the scene.
"Well, that's all I got today, Crash. Haha, see you next time!"
"Wait. That's all? What about clips of me winning the GCWA championship? My victories in promotions all around? Where's images of the deathmatches in Mexico for my father? You disgraceful little shit, come in here and ruin my good day by reshowing me the video of my best friend getting attacked, and then me losing to some tired ass golden age knock off? No! FUCK YOU!"
Crash grabs Projecty-Pants and throws it against the wall, causing it to explode into pieces. The lights begin flickering again as Crash stares into the camera.
"I'm done being a joke. I'm done taking bullshit and my friends getting hurt. Terry Marshal, Space Lord… At Fallout you're going to get broken. Don't get me wrong, Daniel Horror ain't no friend of mine. Yet, I know he's a professional. He's a fallen champion and he won't win his little belt back by fucking us over and taking an L. He's here to win. But he's not who you should worry about. Because I'm not here for more than a win. I'm here for revenge. I'm here to tear you limb by limb. I'm going to use your heads like soccer balls, and maybe some lucky kid out there will get an authentic Space Lord head. I'm here to destroy you limb from limb."
Crash pauses a minute, the light continues to go on and off as fog fills the room as well.
"And Daniel Horror. In case I'm wrong, just know I have no problem using your corpse as a fucking weapon. I've put you down once. I'll do it again. Because nothing is stopping me. I'm here to prove I was born for this. I was bred for this. Because hardcore wrestling is my fucking life. It's who I am, it's all I know, and that's why I'm going to be cemented as the lifeblood of Fallout. So that locker room better listen closely. Every single one of you has a target on their backs, and each one of you will have a Crash Landing as I cement myself at the top."
Crash smiles as the screen fades to black, his final words echo.
"Sports Entertainment Xpress are just unfortunate enough to be first"