Post by LOBO on Dec 6, 2021 23:17:00 GMT -5
[The sound of running water is heard as we open the scene onto a small in ground pool. The water glistens as the sun shines off of the cement laid on the sides. A grunt is heard as the camera pans to see a man… well… clown, sitting on a hammock next to the pool. He is wearing nothing but a small red speedo and a pair of dress shoes. A pair of white sunglasses lay across his face covering his eyes from the bright sun. He coughs and spits a rather large glob of snot next to the hammock as he pulls a bowler hat off his head and looks to the camera.]
“Project Underground is a fresh canvas, one that I can let my creative juices flow all over! A little here and a little there, I can truly paint my own image upon the face that is PU!”
[Glum laughs as he holds his nose at his pun. He waves away the stench, as if there is any, before chuckling again.]
“A long time ago in a galaxy far far away there lived a teenage clown, born and raised in the World Famous Clown Motel, waiting to reach his destiny. But ALAS, that little clown had no idea what that was! So he morphed himself into the only image he knew. He left his job as a maintenance man and became the very thing he knew.. Can you guess what that is dear friend?”
[Glum stares at the camera waiting for a response before pointing to his facepainted nose and smiling.]
“Ding ding ding, we have a winner! A CLOWN! Now that little clown put on his size 22’s and took an old beat up volkswagen beetle and traveled the town showing his skills that he made as a younging. Shitty magic tricks at children's birthday parties, a little juggling, a little gag here and a gag there. Enough to fill up the tank and feed his ever growing belly. Weeks turned to months, months turned to years, and before you knew it that little clown was all grown up! The beetle long dead, the clown now riding a beautiful van painted in his own image! And the tricks and gags that were once filled with laughter and childrens joy now turned to shitty balloon animals and depression. Every party a nuisance. Every smiling child a pain in the ass. That clown went from happy-go-lucky life of the party to sad and sloppy drunk. The goody bags filled with puke and the Moms filled with hot clown seltzer water.”
[He swings in the hammock slowly and takes a sip from a large bottle of rum. He stares in the distance, almost as if he’s having a Vietnam flashback.]
“Then came the party that changed his life. Hired for yet another pointless younglings party, drunk as a skunk the night before and passed out long enough to run late. The saddened clown arrives an hour and a half late to find the party had forgotten about him and moved onto a different form of entertainment. No balloon animals and dirty jokes. Instead a wrestling ring sat in the yard to put on a show in front of the party. Athletes and entertainers beating each other to a pulp to the roar of the crowd. The clown knew what it was, the fake shit on TV. But in this moment he saw a glimmering light in his pathetic life. And he saw the beginning of a new journey.”
[Glum nods his head as he swings and sips, back and forth as it creaks and squeaks underneath him.]
“The clown joins this new circus and begins a new journey. No more boos and getting stiffed for being a ‘bad guy’. Now he can be who he is and get paid to be just that. The clown has lived his life as a traveling act and now he can make the most of it without putting in the hard work. He already had some athleticism, he had charisma somewhere in him, and he had a way to get people to naturally hate him. Bing bang boom, a new star is born and a path of greasepaint and cigarette butts has begun.”
[Glum sits up and switches his feet to the ground as he knocks back the bottle again. He puts the hat on top of his head and looks to the camera with a half cocked grin.]
“And that path has brought him here. Project: Underground. A new journey and a new road to litter. The planets have aligned and the clown has flown right into Jupiter. But what is Jupiter? Scientists will say that it is a big ball of gas with a mass that is more than twice the amount of all the other planets combined. So what I'm hearing is Jupiter is a cross eyed cotton headed ninny muggin full of nothing but hot air! A large fart if you will! But guess what? If you smelt it you dealt it and I’m wheeling and dealing a handful of Febreze come Project: Underground! You might be big and bad Jupiter, but the saying goes the same as it always has. The bigger they are the harder they fall and my GAWD are you big! Yell, scream, try to eat me whole. But at the end of the day you’ll waste your time trying to get your eyes to be on the same team before you can get your hands on little old me. And by the time thing 1 and thing 2 get situated, I’ll have already given you a taste of my knuckle sandwiches before planting you in the dirt with my size 22’s and helping you grow with a little clown water from the almighty hose!”
[Glum grabs at his crotch before laughing and then leaning back in his hammock, placing the hat over his eyes and drifting off to sleep with a loud and godawful snore.]