Post by Ratball Slade on Nov 28, 2021 22:54:10 GMT -5
The screen is pitch black. Moments pass as the dark silence is soon interrupted by a low rumble. Soon this rumble grows louder and louder till it is recognizably the rumbling of a motorcycle engine. Eventually the black begins to fade into a black and white image of the burly, flame covered Meatball on his Harley-Davidson approaching. As Meatball slowly comes to a stop next to the camera, the image slowly gains color as the camera pans over to show his bike, decaled similarly to his shirt and leather jacket, covered in orange and blue flames. Meatball is puffing on a cigar and wearing a cool shade of blue aviator sunglasses, while sitting atop his Motorbike. Meatball takes another puff of his cigar, pinches it between his thumb and index finger, and pulls it away from his mouth.
Meatball: So, y’all wanna hear a story about crushed dreams? I know crushed dreams. As a young lad, nay, a child, I loved some good ol’ fashioned pro wrestling. Neither my father, nor my mother, were in the picture so I turned to big tough sweaty men fighting it out, to see who was the best. The man named Slab is the very reason I stand before you today. He was the biggest, toughest, monster of a man and he would hurt people like no one else could. He didn’t care what anyone thought of him, only that they feared him. When he came flying off that top rope, if you didn’t get out the way you were a dead man.
Meatball takes another puff of his cigar.
Meatball: I envied that man. I wanted him to be my father. To do so many dastardly things and get away with it just by being a badass is something I knew I wanted to be. I had already started showing signs of how bad of a man I would be. I left class without being dismissed. I ran next to the pool. I’d even steal pushpins from the teachers desk. There wasn’t nothin that was gonna stop me. That is until I when I was about 10 years old, and I heard Slab was comin to town. I had the tickets to meet him. I wasn’t sure what I was gonna say. I just needed to see the man with my own eyes. I stepped into that meet and greet and what I saw I couldn’t believe.
Meatball drops his head. As his head comes back up he takes off his glasses for the camera to see his eyes. A single teardrop rolls down his cheek.
Meatball: He was nice…
Meatball rubs away the single tear as his face begins to turn bright red and his expression changes to a grimace then into anger.
Meatball: My perception of wrestling was ruined! I couldn’t believe it! How could this beast be… kind… *gags* I ran home and tore everything apart. All the posters, the action figures… I destroyed it all. My life was a lie.
Meatball spits to his side.
Meatball: Later that night, I cooked me up a bowl of spaghetti and I looked deep into that sauce. What I found wasn’t dinner. It wasn’t just noodles and tomato sauce. It was me. The Big, Bad, Meatball.
Meatball puts the cigar back in his mouth. He revs his engine as black smoke begins to come out the back of it.
Meatball: The Meatball you see today isn’t so different from that kid. That kid had dreams and they were crushed. Well, now that kid is ready to crush the dreams of others instead. This bad boy I’m on top of right here is just as bad as I am. I had it specifically modified to use as much gas and let off as many toxic emissions as possible. It’s like a motorized version of myself I like to think.
Meatball, visibly notices something behind the camera. As Meatball raises his finger he begins to shout.
Meatball: What’s so funny little guy? Was it something I said? You think I’m playing around?!
Little Guy: No sir!
Meatball lowers his finger and huffs. He continues to chew on his cigar as it slowly burns down now about halfway gone.
Meatball: Where was I? Oh, right…
Meatball places his sunglasses back on his face which by this point is incredibly red and sweaty.
Meatball: As a teenager I left home. I went searching for someone who could train me. I went everywhere searching for the right man for the job. I never did find him. That’s when I took matters into my own hands and started training myself. I watched every Slab match I could find over and over. I told myself, “Someday, I’ll be better than even you, you fat piece of shit.” So now, I sit before you a self made man. I can do everything Slab could do and more.
Meatball revs his motorcycle twice, letting off more of that black smoke.
Meatball: Enough about me. Let’s get down to the real business here…
Meatball reaches into the side compartment on the back of his bike and pulls out a sandwich which he unwraps and begins to devour almost instantly. As he’s eating the plastic bag he had the sandwich in slowly floats down to the ditch next to them. Meatball then begins to speak with his mouthful.
Meatball: So why Project: Underground? Well, apparently in pro wrestling you gotta prove yourself to get anywhere. Well, Meatball is ready to prove himself and he was told Underground was the place to do it. Underground has the facilities. It has young talent. It’s got something to prove so that’s what I’m here to do.
Meatball swallows the bite he originally took then shoves the rest of his sandwich into his mouth.
Meatball: I’m here to prove I’m big, bad, and dangerous. So if Underground is taking over, I suppose I’m gonna start this revolution off with a BANG! That bang starts with one man. This man clearly has a deathwish if he decides to step foot in the ring with me. And that man’s name...
Meatball grabs his cigar and points directly into the camera with it.
Meatball: MAN! You think you're “man” enough to step up to me? What kinda name is MAN anyway? That short for something?
The camera man begins to whisper to Meatball inaudibly.
Meatball: Oh, his name is Marc? Those are his initials? Ah, I getcha…
Meatball redirects his attention back to the viewer.
Meatball: Well listen up you mark! I’m going to be the guy to beat here in Project: Underground. Ain’t no way I’m gonna let some wannabe beat the Big Bad Meatball. You posers think you're bad but I’m the real deal. Ain’t nobody badder than Meatball. You may try your best to be a bad man, or maybe you are just prone to making mistakes. So let me tell you what you can expect. First I’m gonna beat you down and roll you around. Then I’m gonna toss you wherever the hell I want to toss you. After that, you're gonna be taking all this weight…
Meatball gestures around his body and gut, emphasizing his size.
Meatball: … as it crushes your bones into dust. To top that all off, I’ll either drive your head into the mat, or I’ll come flying off that top turnbuckle. As all that force comes crashing down, all you’ll be able to do is lay there and watch as your life flashes before your eyes. You might think to yourself, “Was it worth it?”
Meatball pauses as he ponders the question himself.
Meatball: The answer is yes! Cause you had the honor of dying by MEATBALL.
Meatball throws a thumb up pointing to himself. Meatball puts his cigar back into his mouth as it is almost burned out.
Meatball: So MAN, Marc, first victim of Meatball, whatever you wanna call yourself. Get ready, cause I’m comin’, and you sure as hell ain’t gonna stop me.
Meatball takes one last puff of his cigar then pulls it from his mouth and throws it to the ground. Meatball gives the camera the middle finger as he begins to roll forward and speeds down the road. The camera watches as he drives away, the color slowly fading back to black and white. The camera then begins to pan back around to a sign that had been standing behind Meatball. As the smoke from the still burning cigar rises into frame, the sign reads, “Adopt a Highway. Help keep our roads clean!” The video then fades to black with a center graphic that simply says. “Big Bad Inc.”.
Meatball: So, y’all wanna hear a story about crushed dreams? I know crushed dreams. As a young lad, nay, a child, I loved some good ol’ fashioned pro wrestling. Neither my father, nor my mother, were in the picture so I turned to big tough sweaty men fighting it out, to see who was the best. The man named Slab is the very reason I stand before you today. He was the biggest, toughest, monster of a man and he would hurt people like no one else could. He didn’t care what anyone thought of him, only that they feared him. When he came flying off that top rope, if you didn’t get out the way you were a dead man.
Meatball takes another puff of his cigar.
Meatball: I envied that man. I wanted him to be my father. To do so many dastardly things and get away with it just by being a badass is something I knew I wanted to be. I had already started showing signs of how bad of a man I would be. I left class without being dismissed. I ran next to the pool. I’d even steal pushpins from the teachers desk. There wasn’t nothin that was gonna stop me. That is until I when I was about 10 years old, and I heard Slab was comin to town. I had the tickets to meet him. I wasn’t sure what I was gonna say. I just needed to see the man with my own eyes. I stepped into that meet and greet and what I saw I couldn’t believe.
Meatball drops his head. As his head comes back up he takes off his glasses for the camera to see his eyes. A single teardrop rolls down his cheek.
Meatball: He was nice…
Meatball rubs away the single tear as his face begins to turn bright red and his expression changes to a grimace then into anger.
Meatball: My perception of wrestling was ruined! I couldn’t believe it! How could this beast be… kind… *gags* I ran home and tore everything apart. All the posters, the action figures… I destroyed it all. My life was a lie.
Meatball spits to his side.
Meatball: Later that night, I cooked me up a bowl of spaghetti and I looked deep into that sauce. What I found wasn’t dinner. It wasn’t just noodles and tomato sauce. It was me. The Big, Bad, Meatball.
Meatball puts the cigar back in his mouth. He revs his engine as black smoke begins to come out the back of it.
Meatball: The Meatball you see today isn’t so different from that kid. That kid had dreams and they were crushed. Well, now that kid is ready to crush the dreams of others instead. This bad boy I’m on top of right here is just as bad as I am. I had it specifically modified to use as much gas and let off as many toxic emissions as possible. It’s like a motorized version of myself I like to think.
Meatball, visibly notices something behind the camera. As Meatball raises his finger he begins to shout.
Meatball: What’s so funny little guy? Was it something I said? You think I’m playing around?!
Little Guy: No sir!
Meatball lowers his finger and huffs. He continues to chew on his cigar as it slowly burns down now about halfway gone.
Meatball: Where was I? Oh, right…
Meatball places his sunglasses back on his face which by this point is incredibly red and sweaty.
Meatball: As a teenager I left home. I went searching for someone who could train me. I went everywhere searching for the right man for the job. I never did find him. That’s when I took matters into my own hands and started training myself. I watched every Slab match I could find over and over. I told myself, “Someday, I’ll be better than even you, you fat piece of shit.” So now, I sit before you a self made man. I can do everything Slab could do and more.
Meatball revs his motorcycle twice, letting off more of that black smoke.
Meatball: Enough about me. Let’s get down to the real business here…
Meatball reaches into the side compartment on the back of his bike and pulls out a sandwich which he unwraps and begins to devour almost instantly. As he’s eating the plastic bag he had the sandwich in slowly floats down to the ditch next to them. Meatball then begins to speak with his mouthful.
Meatball: So why Project: Underground? Well, apparently in pro wrestling you gotta prove yourself to get anywhere. Well, Meatball is ready to prove himself and he was told Underground was the place to do it. Underground has the facilities. It has young talent. It’s got something to prove so that’s what I’m here to do.
Meatball swallows the bite he originally took then shoves the rest of his sandwich into his mouth.
Meatball: I’m here to prove I’m big, bad, and dangerous. So if Underground is taking over, I suppose I’m gonna start this revolution off with a BANG! That bang starts with one man. This man clearly has a deathwish if he decides to step foot in the ring with me. And that man’s name...
Meatball grabs his cigar and points directly into the camera with it.
Meatball: MAN! You think you're “man” enough to step up to me? What kinda name is MAN anyway? That short for something?
The camera man begins to whisper to Meatball inaudibly.
Meatball: Oh, his name is Marc? Those are his initials? Ah, I getcha…
Meatball redirects his attention back to the viewer.
Meatball: Well listen up you mark! I’m going to be the guy to beat here in Project: Underground. Ain’t no way I’m gonna let some wannabe beat the Big Bad Meatball. You posers think you're bad but I’m the real deal. Ain’t nobody badder than Meatball. You may try your best to be a bad man, or maybe you are just prone to making mistakes. So let me tell you what you can expect. First I’m gonna beat you down and roll you around. Then I’m gonna toss you wherever the hell I want to toss you. After that, you're gonna be taking all this weight…
Meatball gestures around his body and gut, emphasizing his size.
Meatball: … as it crushes your bones into dust. To top that all off, I’ll either drive your head into the mat, or I’ll come flying off that top turnbuckle. As all that force comes crashing down, all you’ll be able to do is lay there and watch as your life flashes before your eyes. You might think to yourself, “Was it worth it?”
Meatball pauses as he ponders the question himself.
Meatball: The answer is yes! Cause you had the honor of dying by MEATBALL.
Meatball throws a thumb up pointing to himself. Meatball puts his cigar back into his mouth as it is almost burned out.
Meatball: So MAN, Marc, first victim of Meatball, whatever you wanna call yourself. Get ready, cause I’m comin’, and you sure as hell ain’t gonna stop me.
Meatball takes one last puff of his cigar then pulls it from his mouth and throws it to the ground. Meatball gives the camera the middle finger as he begins to roll forward and speeds down the road. The camera watches as he drives away, the color slowly fading back to black and white. The camera then begins to pan back around to a sign that had been standing behind Meatball. As the smoke from the still burning cigar rises into frame, the sign reads, “Adopt a Highway. Help keep our roads clean!” The video then fades to black with a center graphic that simply says. “Big Bad Inc.”.
