Post by ttthet on Sept 29, 2021 18:52:39 GMT -5
Our scene starts once again, early in the morning at the world-famous HIP HOUSE. The camera pans around to reveal TJ’s ever-present camera crew on the lawn holding picket signs. TJ Thompson walks out of the front door looking confused at what’s going on.
TJ Thompson: Guys? What are you doing out there? Shouldn’t you be here filming me if anything entertaining happens? I need that promo material!
Cameraman 1: We all got together and made an executive decision. We’re tired of being treated badly, paid shitty wages and thrown into danger every time someone tries to kidnap you! We have rights! And we’re going on strike until something changes!
TJ Thompson: Oh god. Oh fuck. I can deal with being beaten up, kidnapped, bullied, but WORKER’S UNIONS?!? I can’t deal with this shit! What kind of evil gremlin invented those?!? I bet it was Triple B. Come on, guys! It’s not that bad! I totally provide a safe work environment! I literally beat people up for a living! You really think you’re not safe with me?!?
One of the camera crew pulls out a long piece of paper.
Cameraman 2: I knew you would say that. That’s why I have a list of the atrocities committed against me in the past year! I’ve been thrown into traffic, shoved into white vans for your kidnappers to take instead, beaten up by Indonesian crackheads, almost drowned in giraffe saliva, and had to exist in the same room as Bohn Bash Bader! We demand better!
TJ Thompson: Oh come on! That’s nothing compared to the abuse Sauce has gone through! Didn’t you see that whole thing with Triple B?!? His young fragile mind might never be the same. That boy is scarred for life. I think that’s part of the reason he won’t be wrestling for a while.
Cameraman 2: Then maybe he can go on strike with us!
TJ Thompson: I don’t think that’s how strikes work, bro. But anyway, all your problems are just hazards of the job! I’m sure you all knew the risks, right? That’s just how things work! I mean, who hasn’t been forced into a white van at one point in their lives?
Cameraman 2: Not until a few weeks ago! This might be normal to you but to us, it’s not good. How hard is it to not get into danger all the time? Hell, we don’t even care if you put yourself in harm’s way. Just leave us out of it!
TJ Thompson: That’s not fun, though! And sometimes you need to do what you gotta do. I don’t go out of my way to throw innocent people into oncoming traffic, but sometimes the situation calls for it!
Cameraman 2: WHEN WOULD IT EVER CALL FOR IT?!?
TJ Thompson: You know, when you’re being chased down the street and need a distraction! They’d rather help an innocent person from being hit by a truck instead of hurting me, right? I never actually wanted you to get hit, I wanted you to get saved! Isn’t that nice of me?
Cameraman 2: YOU PUT US IN DANGER IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!
TJ Thompson: That’s a really negative way to think about that. Maybe you’re the one bringing this upon yourself!
Cameraman 3: That’s exactly what we’re tired of! We don’t even get paid that much too! We have to deal with your shenanigans for barely minimum wage! We’ve seen those music videos with Rich Home Ethan! We know you’re rolling!
TJ Thompson: Listen. I do a lot of shit, but I never take responsibility for my mistakes! Come on! What you don’t get in money is made back in the experience! Not everyone gets paid to film my every move! It’s a story you can tell your family when you’re old and dying or whatever. You got to film me...uh...doing things that they could make a documentary about in thirty years!
Cameraman 3: Hey, that’s a great idea! We should make an expository documentary about how bad a person TJ is! He’s so beloved now, but he won’t be when it comes out! Great idea, bro. We’re already gathering footage now, right?
All the members of the camera crew nod in agreement.
TJ Thompson: Bruh. This is not cool, guys. There are better uses for your time. Have you seen the shit Gerald does on a daily basis? The people would be disgusted! And he’s a giraffe!
Cameraman 4: Hey, weren’t there other baby giraffes you had? You took them home after you got arrested! They used to be police officers but they were magically transformed! What ever happened to them?
TJ Thompson: Oh shit. That’s a plot point we forgot to revisit. Uhh...we’ll do something entertaining with them another day! Like tomorrow! When you all get back to work!
Cameraman 3: Nah man, that’s another thing to add to the documentary! Animal neglect! The press will go crazy!
TJ Thompson: Now you guys are starting to sound like those animal rights protesters that were at my door. Kinda like how you guys are at my door right now! You remember. You filmed it. If there was ever a group you wanted to emulate, that’s like...the worst group you could pick. Do better.
Cameraman 3: Another great idea, TJ! We should work together with them to expose this man. And also free Gerald! TJ can barely manage humans. I’m surprised this creature is even living right now!
TJ Thompson: He feeds himself most of the time. I don’t know how. Mans doesn’t even have opposable thumbs! Wait...no! That’s not nice either! Don’t do that! I don’t know why y’all are trying to plan my downfall like this. Yesterday everything was fine! Nobody even died! Rest in peace, Larry.
Cameraman 4: So you remember Larry! He was my best friend! He died after falling through a sinkhole that you made when you tried to mine Bitcoin! BITCOIN DOESN’T EVEN WORK LIKE THAT!!!
TJ Thompson: Well I didn’t know that at the time! It’s okay! We all make mistakes, right? All that matters is that we learn from them! Besides, we don’t know if Larry’s dead. All we know is that he fell into the hole and we never saw him again. Sure, that was three months ago. Sure, nobody could’ve survived that fall. But we don’t knoooooow if he’s dead! We have to be positive!
Cameraman 4: I’m positive about you being a bad employer.
TJ Thompson: Rude. Let’s cut to the chase. I’m pretty sure I have things to do, so let’s get to the point. What do y’all want? What will convince you people to stop striking or whatever?
Cameraman 1: I’m glad you asked!
A second long piece of paper is unfurled.
Cameraman 1: Demand number one! We can refuse to work at any time if we feel unsafe! If you’re about to run into an active warzone or something, I know you’ll shove someone in front of a tank to save yourself.
TJ Thompson: But I need the footage! Doing stupid shit is in my blood!
Cameraman 1: Then you can film it yourself! Demand number two, we get days off! Filming 24/7 isn't healthy for anyone. We all need breaks!
TJ Thompson: Fine. I can get Sauce to do your job on those days, I guess.
Cameraman 1: And finally, no more abuse! Even if we follow you around, you can't put us in harm's way to save yourself!
TJ Thompson: Fine! I'll just drag around a random orphan wherever I go. People love orphans, right? Okay. Are we done? Have I averted the crisis?!?
All of a sudden, a white van pulls up and a couple of masked men grab TJ. TJ looks to grab a cameraman but realizes he can't. He gets shoved into the van as it speeds away.
Cameraman 1: It's already working!
The camera crew all cheers. The scene fades to black.
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Let’s gooooooooo!!! Dubs of massive proportions. I can’t be stopped. Unless it’s a time that I can be stopped. But we don’t talk about those! Not gonna lie, I can’t complain. Which is cool because usually I do a lot of complaining. You know why there are two L’s in Fallout? Do you?!? Because taking just one isn’t enough for them. That made no sense. But whatever. The boys took a dub. Petey is Warrior Rising Champ! We don’t talk about Sauce. Nice! I’m pretty sure I have a title shot coming my way, and I also had the chance to see the depressed face of the Fallout brand. Feels good, man. Muahahahahahaha. I’m pretty sure nobody from Team Proving Ground will ever speak to each other again, but that proves that chemistry is overrated. Except when I’m the one that has it. We don’t really like each other, but we were still able to beat those bums! They really sucked. Anyway, maybe we could see two championships in the Big Drip Brand if I challenge for literally any belt but the one Petey has! But that shot’s not coming quite just yet. I can’t be that greedy. First I gotta think about my next opponent!
The grind never stops, fam. Before I grab another belt for the boys, I gotta expose the first challenger for Petey’s belt. I see this a lot in wrestling, and it’s not really a bad thing! At least here, it’s not a bad thing. Someone that’s friends with the champ faces the challenger first. It’s almost like they’re trying to build anticipation or something. Sometimes the friend wins and sometimes they lose, but come on. Look at this dude. I ain’t losing this. I’m no ordinary guy anymore, right? I’m not some generic wrestler they hustle out to eat a loss! I have clout now! I won in the main event of Night of Honor! And who the fuck is this guy?!? I’m pretty sure he didn’t win in the main event of Night of Honor. I’m better. He doesn’t know who he’s dealing with here. Cassanova English might have a shot at the Warrior Rising TItle, but he’s just some lower division bum without it. After that match is wasted and over, he’ll go back to being irrelevant! I mean, he didn’t exactly leave that area for too long. I think it goes something like this. If he can’t even beat the champ’s friend, what makes you think he can beat the champ? He can’t. It’s that simple, guys. Nothing to think about. I’m here only to defend Petey’s honor, and that’s okay! I don’t know why some people take it as an insult.
All I have to do is win, right? That’s probably something you know a little bit about, Cassie. And hell yeah, I’m calling you Cassie. I won’t lie, you’ve had a pretty great run so far, but it stops here. You’re going up against the real wrestlers now. You might want to flex that Night of Honor win you got there, but come on bruh. Your biggest competition was a furry. Yeah. The other two dudes you beat place second to a guy who spends half his time inside a fursuit. Yep. You put your hands on a furry! That’s gotta be against some type of health code or something. That shit’s unhygienic. If you somehow managed to lose that, I’d be a little concerned. But that’s all over! Your time going up against pushovers are over. I’d like to think that I’m a little better than the people you’ve faced so far, and I’m about to prove why you only belong on their level. I’m sure you’re feeling good! Right now everyone you’ve faced has looked like absolute chumps. That’s why they’re losing to you, right? You must think that you’re way above them, and hey, maybe you are! That’s not exactly the hardest thing to do. There’s a dick joke to be made there. I’m gonna save that one for later. But you know what I mean, right? I think I’ve been here for long enough to be looked at as much better than you. And I know you don’t care about that, but it’s not just some meaningless fact! I’m a former Warrior Rising Champ myself! And after you eat two losses in a row, maybe you’ll see that. If you want to start a revolution, you can do it at the back of the line.
I feel like I’ve said this a million times by now, but I’ve faced a million people like you before! You’re not special. Three weeks ago, I basically faced five people with the same dickish, edgy personality. I don’t think you care what I say either. But I’m paid by the hour, so whatever! People like you put on that confident shell on the outside, and when it actually works for you, people start to believe it. The unbeatable star that has no weaknesses. Obviously those last two matches made that shell look a lot better! But one loss is all it takes to break it all down. That’s when people realize you’re not who you present yourself as and the insecure, suspicious-looking guy is exposed! And then you need to take a criminal record check before you enter a school. I’ve never seen a guy call himself sick before. I feel like that’s a thing other people are supposed to call you, man. At least those Fallout dorks don’t outright say it! The right way to do it is the heavily insinuate it to the point that commentary just spits it out to make their jobs easier. You’re trying too hard! Come on! I’m like, the opposite of edgy you can get, but even I can do it better! It would be a little cooler if you just...acted crazy! There you go! But I guess the act won’t matter in the end, because you won’t be winning this. That whole dark persona the people believe in is about to be laughed out the building when I’m done with you. And then all you’ll be able to do is yell at clouds. The people won’t believe in you anymore because you’re proven as just another bum, and then where will you be? I don’t really know! This is all you have. The very small sense of mystery that surrounds you that people are kinda interested in. And when I take that away, you’ll just be some guy that likes violence! Don’t we all like violence?!? Isn’t that our job?!?
I’ve been here long enough that I know that I’ll always have a place here. I can do whatever the fuck I want and still know that they can’t fire me! What would they do without me? What would they do without Gerald? They’d be missing out on a whole demographic. Because I’m hella unique! I bring in...things, and they can’t replace me! Where are you gonna find another TJ? They’d probably kidnap that one too. There’s nobody else like me in the world. PH would never be the same. Big Drip would never be the same. But for you, Cassie? There’s plenty of hoes like you out there. The second they stop giving a shit about the latest Warrior Rising contender, they’re onto the next without even giving you a second look! In your little undercard bubble, you might be somebody special! I bet that furry really felt it when you beat him up. But when you get to the big leagues, you have to see that you’re very replaceable. On Fallout, it would be way worse. You have to realize you’re not special. You’re not unique. And you’re not good enough to beat me, either! One day the collective edginess in this place will boil over, and we’ll be looking like a really bad horror movie. When people see me, they know that they’re getting someone that they can’t get anywhere else. I keep the people’s attention. There’s nobody else. But when they get bored of you, they’ll move on to the next person exactly like you that catches their eye.
Sounds kinda depressing, doesn’t it? I bet it makes you want to win that title for that little bit of clout it gets you before you lose it! Let me tell you a secret. That shit’s not happening. I mean, I’m a pretty tough guy, right? Even if you get absolutely shit on by me, you could still grab that belt...in your dreams. This is the best it's gonna get! Coming hella close to a belt, but choking and fading into the background. I'm pretty great, not gonna lie. Losing to me is nothing to be ashamed of! At least seven people have done it! And I'm sure they're all fine. But it's more than just a loss to you. I can lose a match and be fine. But for you, it's your credibility on the line! How will people think of your chances against Petey if I beat the shit out of you?!? They can't possibly take you seriously after that one, can they? This might not be the title match coming your way, but there's still something that should be important to you on the line. Your chances of surviving in this place are at stake every time you step in a ring! And your edgy ass doesn't really stand a chance. I'm hot. I'm coming off one of the best wins of my career that I barely contributed to, and are you the guy to stop that momentum?!? You're not that guy, pal. You're not that guy. Team Fallout was exactly like you, and I outlasted at least two of them! I can handle one more. You can spit your words at whoever you want, but soon there'll be nobody there to listen. They'll always have time for me. But for you, your days are numbered!
Night of Honor was a fun time, but it's time to move on. Time to get back on the grind, and it starts with doing Petey a favor and making his challenger look like a bum! Cassie, fun time is over. No more furries. No more jobbers. You're about to face some real competition, and this shit won't end well for you. We both have a win, but mine came against much better people. And that's still not saying much. Good luck, because you're gonna need it! I hope you hit me with everything you have, let it all out, because it'll show everyone that your best still really isn't that much!
Big drip, big hip, am I right?